Phail, Thierry Mugler, phail.

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Just tried a sample of Thierry Mugler’s _Angel_ that came in the mail with my previous Sephora order. Mostly because I thought it’d be amusing — if it was any good — to have a bottle of perfume on my dresser that had my name (well, I’d have to Sharpie in an additional letter, but nothing’s perfect) on it.

Unfortunately, I went reeling backward after one small spritz on the arm and then bolted to the sink to scrub it off with liberal dollops of strongly-scented antibacterial soap, endeavoring to erase the olfactory menace burning itself into my skin. Remember those five-year-old Christmas candles that you see in bulk clearance at Big Lots, a dozen tapers for $1? Yeah, that’s about what this stuff reminded me of.

It’s calling itself an “oriental gourmand” scent, which I guess explains the patchouli (and confused me as to whether it was actually a mens’ cologne on first sniff). Other than that, I can’t really classify anything else in the ingredients as distinctly “oriental” — at least in the sense that I’d find a representation in my parents’ kitchen. Oh, confusion. The list of participants includes chemical-created aromas helional and hedione (contributing to the cloying nature, I’m sure), western baking favorites such as vanilla, chocolate and caramel and smatterings of “honey, dewberry and red berries” that were far too overpowered by the other ingredients to even be recognizable. I’m guessing this one’s meant strictly to attract dudes, in that way where it’s strong enough for them to notice and makes them hungry enough to consider whether or not you’d be a candidate to bake for them over the holidays. Then again, you’d get the same sort of scent combination on a visit to grandma’s place, and I’m not sure I’d want any date-potential candidate calling memories of that place “sensual and passionate”…

Anyway, I ended up spraying the rest of it in the storage room, figuring it’d at least be good at scaring off moths. I’m nothing if not an optimist.

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